Don't touch me while I am touching me!

It is a shame that I even have to write about this, but I am going to anyway. To set it all up I was in Buffalo Wild Wings the other day for lunch (mmm chicken sandwich). I had to use the restroom and while I was walking to the urinal another guy entered the restroom. He walked up to the urinal RIGHT NEXT TO ME! It should be noted I was the only other person in the room. As we were doing our business the man TURNED HIS HEAD TO TALK TO ME, and then as he was leaving and I was still going (I drank a lot ok) he patted me on the back. It was horrific and I am still traumatized.

What has happened to society that we cannot even follow basic urinal etiquette? I mean I can no longer feel safe using the bathroom, I am going to have to use the stalls until I feel comfortable again. So as a refresher course I am going to provide some basic rules when you are using the restroom.

1.) ALWAYS leave at least one empty urinal between you and the next guy unless you have no other option. In my case he had plenty of choices but chose to get close, NOT COOL! Guys require a level of space and he violated mine in a most detestable manner.

2.) Talking in the restroom is ONLY allowed while you are in line waiting to go, or while you are washing your hands (unless you are in a bar when no guys wash their hands and i'll explain why later.) At the urinal one-on-one talking is a no go unless you know the guy next to you, or you are shouting a random comment for the whole room to hear. Just do what your mom told you and don't talk to strangers.

3.) Never for any reason are you allowed to turn your head while you are at the urinal. This might be the most sacred of all urinal etiquette rules. I shouldn't even have to explain why you can't do this it is self-explanatory so just don't do it, I don't care if you know the guy beside you. Your only options are to stare at the wall in front of you or to look down in cases where you have been drinking and you have to make sure you hit the target.

4.) This one is for the younger bar crowd. Don't pee in the sink, seriously what is wrong with you? I have seen it happen on more than one occasion. So if I am in a crowded bar and use the restroom don't be surprised if I get back pretty quick because I didn't wash my hands. I mean would you if you have seen someone urinate in the sink?

5.) Never touch me while I am touching me! It is uncomfortable. No pats on the back, slaps on the arm, bumps, nothing. Don't let it happen for any reason.

So there you go this list is not exhaustive, but it is a reminder to ALL men how to act when you are in the restroom.

Don't be that guy.